I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
