I hate your face
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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