I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize