It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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