You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
