just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
