At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
