I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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