you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
