I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
