all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
