I skipped work to stalk him.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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