I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize