Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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