Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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