I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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