No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
