If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
