what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
