I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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