Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
