the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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