It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
