dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
