One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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