I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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