Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
