i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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