sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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