..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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