well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
