What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
