Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
