my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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