I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
