well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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