Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
