Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
