she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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