There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
