4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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