my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
