you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
