I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
