**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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