I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
