did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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