i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
