i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
