Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
