I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
