i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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