Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
