ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
