this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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