I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
