This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
