I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
