Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
