I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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