New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
