what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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