It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
