I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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