it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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