it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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