I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
