i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
