I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
