Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this beer tastes like vomit already
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
