I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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