i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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