Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
