How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
