do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
